“Between the Gaps: Navigating Life Without Parents and Finding Strength

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An Intimate Conversation with Marie: Navigating Family, Trauma, and the Road to Healing 

We sat down with Marie (who wishes to stay anonymous), who bravely shared her story of growing up with a complicated family dynamic, navigating the absence of both parents, and the ongoing journey of healing. The conversation explored the deep emotions tied to her childhood, her relationship with her parents, and how she’s working through her past to shape a better future. 

 

Q: Marie, thank you for joining us. Let’s start by hearing about your childhood. Can you give us a glimpse into how you grew up? 

A: Thank you for having me. I grew up living with my paternal grandmother, and from a young age, I was made to believe that my mother didn’t want me. I was told that she “got rid of me” by sending me to live with my father. As I got older, I began to understand that things weren’t as clear-cut as I had been led to believe. When I was about six, shortly after I graduated from kindergarten, my dad moved to the United States. He bought me uniforms, books, and school supplies before he left, but once again, I was left without both of my parents. 

I didn’t have anyone to help me with homework. My grandma couldn’t read, and my aunt, who helped me at first, eventually moved away. When my dad came back to visit, we barely spent time together. I didn’t really talk to him when he was gone—our relationship just didn’t exist in the way I had hoped it would. 

The first time I saw my mother, I was playing outside. When they called me in to meet her, I actually hid. She felt like a stranger to me. Over the years, she would visit every few months, but I didn’t miss her. The only time I felt her absence was on Mother’s Day at school. I would attend the Mother’s Day event with either my grandma or my aunt, both of whom had become my mother figures. 

I remember one instance when someone asked my grandma if she was my mother. I told them, “No, that’s my grandmother.” She still brings that up sometimes. I think it hurt her because she viewed me as her own daughter. For me, the words “mom” and “dad” are hard to say. I never grew up calling them that, and I never had the emotional connection to them that most kids do. 

I used to feel emotional when I saw other children being picked up by their parents. I’d cry when I got home, feeling the emptiness. Even as an adult, I get triggered when I hear people talk about their parents being their “go-to” when things go wrong. It makes me feel like no one is there for me, and I’ve spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to fill that void. 

 

Q: Do you think you’re healed from all the trauma you experienced growing up? 

A: Honestly, I don’t think I’ll ever be fully healed. But if it’s in God’s plan for me to have my own family one day, I want to create the kind of family I wished I had. I believe that’s the only way I could heal. But I’m not there yet. Growing up without my parents has been one of the hardest things I’ve experienced, and it’s made me view parenting through a different lens. I sometimes judge people who don’t take having children seriously. To me, having a child is a huge responsibility. When parenting isn’t done right, children suffer. I know this all too well because I’ve lived it. 

 

Q: How would you describe your relationship with your parents today? 

A: We don’t really have a relationship. We talk occasionally, but there’s no real emotional connection. I’ve told my mother how I feel. Honestly, I don’t understand why she still calls me—it feels too late for us to build anything meaningful. I don’t hold a grudge against her, but I simply don’t think we can have the kind of relationship I would’ve wanted. 

She did explain things to me later in life—how she was just 17 when she got pregnant, and my father was 20. Neither of them was in a place to care for a child. She had to drop out of school because her parents refused to support her. They saw her pregnancy as a disgrace. My mom told me how they made her life unbearable, constantly reminding her that if she had stayed in school, none of this would have happened. She even considered suicide at one point. In the end, she sent me to my father because she just couldn’t handle it anymore. 

Although I understand the struggles she faced, I still feel hurt that it took so long for her to explain all of this to me. I had already graduated from college, started my career, and it felt like a lot of time had been lost. I try to forget the past, but it’s hard when reminders pop up—like seeing a father playing with his daughter. It breaks me every time. 

I also struggle with anger toward my father. He wasn’t there for my mother when she needed him, and shortly after I was born, he started a new relationship. I try to put myself in my mother’s shoes, and the pain she must have felt is overwhelming. I vowed that I would never be with a man like my father. He doesn’t care—he never did. To this day, he and my mother have no relationship. 

When my father and I are in the same space at a family gathering, I greet him like I would anyone else. There’s no sentiment behind it. He’s not someone I turn to when I need help—he wasn’t there when I needed him most. 

 

Q: Do you have siblings? 

A: Yes, I have siblings on my father’s side, but he never introduced me to them. I took it upon myself to reach out. I want them to know they have someone they can rely on. I don’t want them to go through the same experience I had with my dad. 

 

Q: What message would you send to your parents? 

A:  Laughing lightly… Well, I’d probably ask them why they didn’t stay together to raise me. I thank God that I turned out okay, but I know things could have easily gone south. I wonder why they didn’t make it work, why they couldn’t be there for me. I believe I would have been further along in life if they had been more present. In many ways, I feel like I raised myself.  

 

Q: Before we finish, can you share with us what you consider your greatest strengths? 

A: I’d say my biggest strength is being selfless. I’m always there for others, sometimes putting their needs before my own. It feels like my mission in life to help people, especially when it comes to important matters. I also love to joke around and laugh. I find joy in spreading positivity wherever I can. 

 

Q: Any final words for our readers? 

A: If you’re thinking about having children, don’t do it unless you’re ready. It’s not just about providing financially. Your presence is everything. If you already have kids, make sure you spend quality time with them. Don’t treat them like they’re an obligation. Take them to places that let them experience joy—fairs, zoos, camps. Don’t remind them constantly about everything you’ve done for them. Parenting is a responsibility, not a favor. Be there for them, not just in the basic, everyday tasks but emotionally, mentally, and physically. 

 

“A Heartfelt Thank You”

We’d like to extend a heartfelt thank you to Marie for sharing her powerful story with us. Her openness and vulnerability in discussing the challenges she faced growing up are truly inspiring. It takes incredible strength to reflect on the past, confront painful memories, and continue striving for healing and growth. Marie’s journey reminds us of the importance of family, the impact of emotional support, and the resilience it takes to navigate life’s hardest moments. We’re grateful for her honesty and wish her all the best as she continues her path toward healing and building the future she deserves. Thank you, Marie for allowing us to be part of your story, and for sharing it on your terms, with the privacy you requested.