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Growing up in a broken home can have a lasting impact on a person’s emotional and mental health. For many, it shapes their sense of self, their relationships, and their values as they navigate through life. This story is a deeply personal account shared by someone who has faced the harsh realities of childhood trauma. They have searched for identity and fought the ongoing battle to break free from the patterns of the past. In this interview, the individual opens up about their experiences, offering insights into the hardships they faced, the lessons they’ve learned, and the power of resilience and self-love.
Q: Can you share about your early childhood? What was life like for you growing up?
A: My parents weren’t married at first; they got married when I was around five years old. I was the ring bearer at their wedding, but shortly after, they divorced. I grew up with my mom and maternal grandmother. I never really understood what it was like to have a father figure. My uncle was the closest male figure in my life. Yet, he didn’t fulfill the role I needed. I don’t blame him for that. My dad barely visited. He came once or twice a month. It was usually because he and my mom were always arguing. Sometimes, he’d show up at my school without my mom knowing. I hated it and would hide when I saw him.
I remember one time in second grade when he came to my school, and I started crying. He told the whole story to my teacher, which was incredibly embarrassing. I think some kids would have liked their dad to visit, but for me, it was the opposite. I never thought of him as a good person. Even as a young child, I saw how he treated my mom. He was addicted to drugs and alcohol. His abusive behavior made it impossible for me to see him as a father figure. I was actually relieved when they divorced.
Though I felt lonely, I found some comfort in being close to one of my cousins. It was especially hard as an only child. Later in high school, my mom moved to another city, leaving me with my grandmother, who continued to raise me. Living without either of my parents was incredibly difficult, especially since my grandmother held a deep resentment towards them. She had even wanted my mom to abort me when she was pregnant. My grandfather was so upset about the pregnancy that he even threw my mom out of the house. My grandmother once told me that if I had a different father, my life would have been perfect. That really hurt me and made me feel like my existence was a burden.
She also made me responsible for my grandfather’s death. She claimed that my grandfather’s relationship with her deteriorated because of my birth. He passed away a few months after I was born. My childhood was full of toxic family dynamics. Family gatherings often involved shaming or controlling anyone dating someone they didn’t approve of. Though they never did this to me, it affected me when they targeted my cousins. After these events, I often felt confused and troubled. I knew I didn’t want to perpetuate this cycle. I promised myself I would never treat my future children the same way.
Q: What were some of the biggest emotional challenges you faced as a child, and how did you cope?
A: The most challenging emotional struggle for me was the constant suicidal thoughts. I never felt like I belonged anywhere—neither in my family nor at school. There were times I even wondered if I was adopted because I felt so disconnected. Many of my friends came from families with both parents, and they would talk about their fathers with admiration. I couldn’t relate to that because my dad was never my hero. I preferred to isolate myself, especially when people visited our home. To cope, I created imaginary friends—boyfriends, parents, and companions who existed only in my mind.
Even now, I still rely on these imaginary figures as a form of escape. While I acknowledge it’s not entirely healthy, it’s a coping mechanism that has stayed with me. Interestingly, my dad was never part of this imaginary world. I’ve learned to be okay with being alone and can go weeks without speaking to anyone. It seems strange to others, but it’s how I’ve learned to live. I’ve been in therapy before. Although I plan to return, I realize something new comes up every time I work on myself. Therapy has helped me understand my emotions better and taught me how to deal with them.
Q: Looking back, how has your experience with a broken home shaped your relationships and values today?
A: Romantic relationships are particularly challenging for me. Whenever I go through a breakup, I blame my father’s absence and the toxic dynamics I saw in my family. The verbal abuse from my grandmother and relatives made me very selective about who I allow into my life. I refuse to tolerate people who don’t treat me well or make me feel unworthy. I also pray I never end up in a relationship with someone who has a substance abuse problem like my father.
Q: What would you say is the most important lesson you’ve learned about resilience and healing from your journey?
A: The most important lesson I’ve learned is self-love. Even if no one else in the world loves me, I know that I love myself, and that is enough. Self-love has become so crucial to me that I no longer care about seeking love or validation from others. Another vital lesson is the importance of fighting for yourself and your future. No matter what challenges you face, never let go of your values. They are what make you who you are.
Q: How is your relationship with your family today?
A: My relationship with my grandmother has improved; she’s kinder to me now, though I never remind her of how she treated me when I was younger. With my mom, we are much closer now, but during my college years, we didn’t get along. I was angry at everyone and never truly confronted them. For a long time, I blamed her for not protecting me when I needed it most. My relationship with my dad is on and off. We can be on good terms one day and not speak the next. He struggles with certain conversations, and things always end up becoming toxic. Right now, we’re not in touch.
Q: What message would you send to your parents?
A: To my dad, I’d say that I forgive him. I hope he works on himself and finds a better life. To my mom, I’d express my love and appreciation. I understand that she did the best she knew how. As children, we sometimes forget that our parents aren’t perfect, and they too are learning as they go.
Q: Can you tell us your biggest strength?
A: My greatest strength is empathy. It allows me to connect with others on a deeper level and understand their pain. It’s made my life better, both personally and professionally. But, it can also be a weakness, as people sometimes take advantage of it.
Q: Any final words to our readers?
A: To anyone reading this, know that you are enough. Your worth is not defined by your achievements or possessions. You’ve had value since the moment you were conceived. Confidence and self-love are vital; your childhood traumas don’t define you. You have the power to reinvent yourself. If you’ve been taught things that don’t align with your truth, unlearn them. If you decide to have children, make sure their lives are better than your own. Break generational curses. The world needs more good people, so don’t be the reason someone else is broken.
Thank You Note:
We would like to extend our deepest gratitude to the individual who so courageously shared their personal journey with us. Their vulnerability is profound. Their strength in recounting the challenges they’ve faced offers powerful lessons. These include resilience, self-love, and breaking free from the cycles of the past. Thank you for trusting us with your story and for inspiring others to heal, grow, and embrace their worth. Your words have the power to uplift and encourage those who are navigating their own struggles.
Nan Lakou 
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